Monthly Archives: July 2006

Ass Laser Tuner Wanted

Our newly expanded and renovated building has taken a bold step towards automation by installing automatic flush devices on the toilets. On the bright side, you’re likely to have sanitary improvements by not having to touch a handle that many others have touched before you (and here the question “Who knows where their hands have been?” is rhetorical). On the other hand, the damned things don’t work very well. Either you get a premature flush at the first “away” movement of the posterior (hence, ass) which requires a second flush later, or you get no flush at all. When it doesn’t flush, many people walk away, leaving an unpleasant surprise and an almost mandatory button-pushing for the poor soul who comes behind them. I put up a nicely printed sign politely urging patrons to “Please press button to confirm deposit,” but it was rather quickly removed. And it wasn’t taken down because everyone suddenly became deposit conscious; clearly many are still not getting the most from their investments (yuck).

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