Author Archives: kwinker

Gravity Check on Aisle Stupid!

Rose and I were making dinner the other night when I did something careless and got a quick gravity check. It’s nice to know you can count on something, I thought as I cleaned the floor. In fact, I got a chuckle, thinking that gravity checks were one of the main reasons the TV program America’s Funniest Videos (AFV) exists. I hadn’t seen that show in a long time but had recently watched an episode and was reminded of just how ubiquitous, misjudged, and funny gravity can be.

This wasn’t my only recent encounter with excessively exuberant gravity. I had another lesson hammered home this fall that kept me from hunting.

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Two Factor Fuckery

We were recently forced to adopt two-factor authentication (2FA) to access our university accounts, including our email. I am in favor of security, so I was willing to try it out (though it was not optional). I use it for banking and find it an inconvenience there, but I can live with it because I use it infrequently and the consequences of having my finances hacked are horrific to contemplate.

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Cleanhoggin

The COVID pandemic brought one unexpected but appreciated change to our lives at home. When you’re not out among your fellowman as often or as closely, you might quickly drift into a less frequent bathing regimen. You’re more on a self-sniff schedule in setting those bathing parameters, with a little help from your partner.

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Jello Theory in a Dream

I had a dream.

I was sitting down to eat lunch in a cafeteria with a little boy, and on our trays we each had a square of green jello with cottage cheese in it (I know—nasty stuff). For some reason hidden deeply in my twisted brain, I decided to tell the boy about where green jello came from.

“Did you know green jello comes from squeezing the heads of Presidents? If they’re really smart, you get more of those chunks. But presidents are busy people, so you just don’t get green jello every day.”

The boy carefully thought about this for awhile. Then he said, “Where does red jello come from?”

“Oh, that comes from the tears of the damned. There’s a factory in Indianapolis, but nobody can live within a mile of it because of the screams of the damned. Only deaf people can work there.”

I have no idea why I remembered this in such detail when I woke up, but I figured others might be interested in the latest developments in jello theory.