Category Archives: Humor

Healthy Trails, Roads, Footpaths, and other Euphemisms

Our esteemed employer recognizes that investing in preventive medicine is a good thing, saving bigger money down the road. So they contract with an esteemed health-care provider to bombard us with emails about our shitty health habits. They don’t actually know (or aren’t supposed to, anyway) that we have shitty health habits. But, hey, going by statistics of the average American population and adding up the healthcare expenditures for this insured pool, they can make some pretty good guesses. And, shoot, emails are cheap.
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This is a test of the emergency long-underwear system

I was out well before dawn clearing the driveway in the dark with the snowblower (which we’ve named Sparkles). It was -20 F but a good time to get it done because we were forecast to cool off a bit from just Crisp to Seriously Crisp and perhaps even Crisp Unto Brittle. In looking at the temperature now (-37 F), it was a good call. We’ve been sliding downwards all day, and we’ve now reached the point of “This is a test of the Emergency Long Underwear System.”
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The Minus-30 Quasimodo Smackdown

We’re not wood snobs. If it will burn well, into the firewood pile it goes. So while cutting, moving, and stacking wood, some real ugly cusses get brought along in the process. They can screw up a good woodpile because they can be grotesquely misshapen, so I often put them on top. But where they really gum up the works is in the splitting.
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